Thought's of a victim
by GinaGold fan
Summary: How does Kerry react when she discovers she is pregnant with Gabriel Kents' baby. But also, how will Smithy react? Plz r and r.


Kerry sat in her bathroom and waited for the results to appear on the little white stick. She could feel her breath catching in her throat, as the test finally proved positive. She looked at the dates on the calendar and worked out when her last period was. She hoped that she was wrong about who the father of her baby was, but deep down she knew that it couldn't possibly be Camerons', Smithys' or David Radfords'. Her dates confirmed her worst fears; she was expecting Gabriel Kents' baby.

She felt a mix of emotions as the reality of what she was facing hit her; anger, hurt, bitterness, confusion... there was so much for her to take in. She didn't know what she was going to do, how could she have her rapists' baby?

She was just starting to get her life back together again after Gabriels' vicious attack three months previously. She'd lost Cameron because of Gabriel and nearly lost a good friend in Smithy, all because she had listened to Gabriel Kent. Now she was pregnant by him and the thought made her sick.

After her miscarriage a few years ago, she had desperately wanted kids. She dreamed of finding a kind and loving man who wanted her the way she was. She thought that she had wanted that with Cameron, but Gabriel had destroyed that the night he violated her. Now she was completely on her own and expecting a child she wasn't sure she wanted.

Unfortunately she didn't have any time left to think about it; she had to leave for work before she was late. She put on her make-up, grabbed a slice of toast and threw on her jacket before jumping into her car. It took her 10 minutes more than usual to get to the station and she made it just in time for morning briefing.

Inspector Gold was standing in front of the relief, informing them of incidences that the late shift had to deal with. Kerry hadn't really listened to a word Gina had said, and she looked to be in a world of her own. Gina noticed that the young PC wasn't her usual bright self; in fact she looked pale and unwell. Gina finished the briefing by telling the relief who would be paired with whom.

"Finally, Tony and Yvonne you're in 21 patrolling the Jasmine Allen estate; Andrea and Lance you are on foot patrol on the high street; and Smithy and Kerry will also be on foot patrol in Canley market. If there aren't any questions, you are free to leave." Gina said to a chorus of 'Ma'am' from the relief.

Kerry felt awful. Not only was she suffering from morning sickness, but now she had to spend the whole shift with Smithy. She felt guilty for ever believing that he could have raped her, and she couldn't believe that she had let Gabriel manipulate her enough to make her believe it. Smithy had been so good to her even after she accused him of rape. He wouldn't let anyone say a bad word against her and when Cameron had moved back to Australia, Smithy had tried his best to comfort her. Kerry felt that at times his friendship was more than she deserved under the circumstances.

As the relief piled out of the briefing room happily chatting, Kerry moved along with them to collect her belt and jacket. Smithy walked passed Gina before she pulled him back again.

"Is Kerry alright? Only I've noticed for the past few weeks that she seems.... I dunno, down I guess." Gina explained to him in a hushed whisper.

"Yeah I've noticed that as well. I don't know what to do. Maybe I should have a word, what do you think?" He asked in the same hushed voice.

"Well tread carefully and look after her today, alright?" She said as she waved him off.

He made his way to the ladies changing rooms and bumped into Kerry as she came out of the door.

"You alright this morning? Ready for a hard day's work?" Smithy said to try and lighten her mood a little.

She smiled weakly at him.

"I'm as ready as I'll ever be." She replied as they made their way outside.

They walked towards Canley market with little being said between them. Kerry couldn't stop thinking about her pregnancy and what Gabriel Kent had done to her.

"Do you fancy a cup of coffee?" Smithy asked as they passed a small cafe.

"Erm... yeah sure why not?" She said as they made their way into the warmth.

Smithy walked to the bar and ordered two coffee's to take away. Kerry was feeling sick as the smell of eggs and bacon wafted in her direction, as a couple of builders sat eating their breakfast nearby.

"I'll be back in a minute Sarge." She managed to blurt out as she ran to the toilets with her hand over her mouth.

She heaved a couple of times before she was violently sick. Once she felt a little better she sat on the toilet lid and rested her head against the cool wall of the cubical. Everything about this pregnancy was horrible, the morning sickness, the babys' conception and the babys' father; it was all so wrong.

Voices from other officers over the radio snapped her out of thoughts, and she remembered she was supposed to be on patrol with Smithy. She flushed the toilet and washed her hands before she rejoined her colleague.

"Are you alright?" He asked with a very worried expression, as Kerry approached him.

"I'm absolutely fine. Shall we get going?" She asked as she continued to walk, trying to avoid the subject.

Smithy handed her her coffee and took a sip of his own. He couldn't help notice how pale and clammy Kerry looked, but he knew better than to push the subject.

They went back onto patrol and started checking all the usual trouble hot spots near the market. They were making sure there were no drug addicts scoring or dossers in doorways. They headed towards a known place for crack addicts to score drugs at the back of a club named Pivo. As they walked towards the bin area, they heard a young woman moaning.

Smithy raced towards her when he found her semi conscious and badly beaten. She was in her early to mid twenties, with long blonde hair, a red top which was ripped and covered in blood and a black skirt which was also ripped.

"Hello can you hear me?" Smithy asked as he checked her injuries.

The woman groaned as a reply. Kerry looked at her and suspected that she knew what had happened to her. Smithy stood up and walked over to where Kerry was stood.

"Have you called for an ambulance?" He asked.

"Yes I have and it should be here in about 10 to 20 minutes. Has she been raped?" She asked.

Smithy nodded his head.

"Yeah it looks like it, so we'd better get SOCO and CID down here." Smithy replied before turning back to the victim.

"Sierra Oscar from 202, can we get SOCO and CID to attend the scene of a suspected rape case on Broom Lane please?" Kerry said into her PR.

"Received 202, SOCO and CID will be informed." The CAD operator replied.

Kerry set to work on preserving the scene and stopped on lookers from trying to catch a glimpse of the victim. She was trying to avoid looking at the young woman as the thought of what must have happened here, brought back bad memories of her own rape.

The ambulance arrived and the paramedics took the woman away on a stretcher. They explained to Kerry and Smithy that her injuries looked worse than they were, before they took her to St Hughes.

"I found some ID in her bag. Her name is Karen Blake aged 25 according to her driver's licence." Smithy said to Kerry.

"Right Sarge. What should we do next, go to the hospital or wait at the station?" She asked.

"DS Nixon would like us back at the station so we can fill the rest of the relief in." He replied.

Kerry agreed and started making her way back to the station. Smithy felt worried for her as he walked beside her once he had caught up to her. Something was very wrong and it frightened him because he couldn't get her to open up.

Back at the station DS Nixon had called a briefing with Suzie Sim, Smithy, Kerry and Terry Perkins.

"In the early hours of this morning a young IC1 female named Karen Blake was brutally assaulted and we believe rapped. She is being treated at St Hughes and I have been informed that she regained consciousness about half an hour ago. A SOIT officer has yet to be assigned but we will sort that out shortly. For now I want Suzie and Terry to have a word with bar staff and find out if we can get hold of their CCTV." Sam said.

"Sarge." They replied as they headed off out of the briefing room.

"Smithy can you inform Karens' next of kin of her attack, and Kerry could you please be her SOIT?" Sam said to the two remaining officers.

Kerry froze and her heart skipped a beat.

"I'm sorry but... but... I just can't." She said before the stress finally got to her and she rushed out of the room.

Sam looked at Smithy expectantly.

"What is that all about?" She asked sounding a little annoyed.

"I've no idea." Smithy said before he ran off after her.

He found her in the female changing rooms; her face was tear stained and her eyes were red. Smithy felt shocked to find her so distressed and not know what the cause was.

"Kerry what's the matter?" He asked as he cautiously approached her.

Kerry couldn't reply as she buried her head into Smithys' chest when he sat beside her.

"Is this about what happened between us?" He asked feeling confused.

"No. This is about... Gab... Gabriel...and what he did to me....and now I'm pregnant an....and I don't.....know what to do." Kerry sobbed. Her voice was slightly higher than normal and she sounded a bit hysterical.

"Shhhh!!!!" Smithy soothed as he tried to calm her down.

Kerry had to let all her pain out and she felt comfortable as Smithy sat beside her. She knew that he was the only person she could tell, the only person who could help her. Once she had calmed down a little she opened up to him properly.

"About three months ago Gabriel Kent raped me. He manipulated me into believing that you had raped me, only deep down I knew that that couldn't be true, but he had me exactly where he wanted me. Once I'd dropped the allegation against you, he knew no one would believe me again so he raped me himself. I feel so dirty and still feel like I smell of him and to make things worse, I'm now pregnant with his child." She explained to Smithy with tears still running down her face.

Smithy looked angry and felt furious that he had done this to Kerry.

"Why haven't you told me before now?" He asked calmly, even though he didn't feel it.

"He started black mailing me with some stupid video tape he had of me talking to Cameron at the bank siege. He said that if I tried to make the allegation official he would show the video to Inspector Gold and end my career. I didn't have a choice." Kerry said.

"So what are you going to do about the baby?" Smithy asked, holding her tightly.

"I don't know. When I found out I was pregnant when I was married to Luke, I was so happy. I felt ready to be a Mum and I looked forward to being pregnant. But this time I feel nothing but revulsion and I can't bring a child into the world feeling like that." She replied as she started to sob once again.

"Well listen, whatever you decide you want to do I will be with you every step of the way." He said comfortingly.

She glanced up at him and smiled weakly.

"Why are so nice to me after everything I've put you through?" She said earnestly.

"Because I care about you Kerry and I care about what is hurting or upsetting you.... now really isn't an appropriate time to tell you how I feel but I'm here for you. Why don't you take the rest of the day off and I'll speak to you later?" Smithy suggested.

"What about Karen Blake?"

"Don't worry; I'll get someone else to act as SOIT. You get yourself off home." He replied.

She nodded as she watched him walk through the door and back out into the station. She changed into her civvies and drove back home. She stepped over the post on her door mat, not attempting to pick it up and put on her favourite CD. She relaxed in a hot bath and contemplated her decision before coming to a conclusion.

The rest of the shift passed slowly for Smithy as he helped investigate the rape of Karen Blake. He had given an excuse to DS Nixon about Kerry not feeling well which most of the team believed. Suzie had brought in a suspect and was interviewing him for the rest of her shift. It was one of the barmen from the night club who had a record for sexual assault.

As soon as he was finished the rest of his paperwork, Smithy was changed and out of the door before someone could call him back. He didn't go straight to his, but stopped at Kerrys instead.

He knocked on her front door and she opened it looking exhausted.

"I won't stop long; I just wanted to see how you were." Smithy said as Kerry started to make them both a cup of tea.

"I'd appreciate it if you stayed. Actually, would you mind staying overnight? Only I don't want to be on my own." She said.

"If that's what you want me to do, then I'll do it. Have you made your decision yet?" He asked as she handed him a mug of steaming hot tea.

They moved into the warmth of the sitting room and sat down on the couch before she gave him her reply.

"Well like I said before, I can't bring a baby into the world feeling the way I do. It wouldn't be right and no child should grow up with a Mother who feels like that. I've booked an appointment for tomorrow afternoon at the Netherhall Clinic at 2pm. I'm going to have an abortion, but I don't want to go through this on my own. I know I have no right to ask but... will you come with me please?" She asked.

"I'm going to go through this with you every step of the way. Can I ask why you didn't tell me any of this sooner?" He asked as he moved a little closer to her.

"I was ashamed I guess. Not only because of what he did to me, but because of what he made me do to you. I can't believe I ever thought you capable of rape and I know I hurt you. I've probably messed things up between us, haven't I?" She said quietly.

Smithy wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close. Kerry responded to him and snuggled up closely. For the first time in months she felt safe and happy.

"Don't be daft Kerry I lo...." Smithy started to say when he trailed off.

Kerry looked at him and saw nothing but love in his eyes and she hoped that she reciprocated this look.

"Go on." She encouraged. She really wanted to hear him say those three little words.

"I love you Kerry, I always have and I always will. When I get hold of Kent I'm going to cause 'im so much pain he'll wish he'd never been born." Smithy replied angrily.

"Believe me when I say he's not worth it. He nearly destroyed everything, but the one thing he can't destroy is my love for you." She said.

"Listen, right now you are vulnerable and hurt and I don't want to take advantage of that; but in a couple of months, do you think we could give our relationship a shot?" He asked cautiously. He knew that Kerry wasn't in a great place in her life right now, and he realised that the last thing that she needed was another man in her life. He wanted her to know however that he was always thinking of her.

"I would really like that." She smiled up at him. "Now if you don't mind, I'm going to go to bed. I've got a lot to deal with tomorrow so I'd better get a lot of rest. I've made up the spare room for you. Is that ok?" She asked as she drained the last dregs of her tea.

"That's absolutely perfect. If you need someone to talk to during the night, just come and get me ok?" He replied caringly.

She nodded her head slightly with a smile before heading upstairs and climbing under the cool sheets of her bed. Smithy didn't stay up too much later. He was exhausted from the stress of the day.

Kerry awoke the next morning and couldn't help feeling guilty as she remembered what her afternoon would bring. She got out of bed and put her slippers and dressing gown on over her pyjamas. She walked silently down the stairs so she didn't wake Smithy, and walked into her kitchen to find him already there.

"Morning. I hope you don't mind but I made some coffee." He said as he poured her a cup.

"Thanks." She replied as he passed it to her. "I don't mind at all."

She took the cup from him and walked across to the table; she winced slightly as she sat down in one of the dining chairs.

"Are you alrigh'?" Smithy asked with concern.

"Yeah I'm fine just got a cramp or maybe my stomachs sore from heaving. I've only got a few more hours to put up with it though and then it'll all be over." She said optimistically.

"Well if you're sure you're alright." Smithy replied sceptically.

They spent the rest of the morning chatting about various things, trying to keep Kerrys' mind off what was to come. Finally 1 o'clock came and Smithy got ready to drive Kerry to the clinic. She stood in the hallway and looked to be in a world of her own. Smithy passed her, her coat and bag before opening the door for her and leading her to the car.

On the way there they didn't speak a word to each other. Smithy could sense that Kerry was nervous and uncomfortable and he didn't know what to say. He pulled up into the car park and Kerry looked blankly at the building in front. Smithy walked round to the passenger side and held out his hand to help Kerry out of the car. She lifted both legs out of the door and tried to stand up, but sat down very quickly again as she clutched her side once more.

"Kerry what's that all about?" Smithy asked with the same concerned expression he'd shown earlier.

"It's just another cramp, nothing to worry about." Kerry replied unconvincingly.

"Well if you're sure." Smithy said as he helped her up once more.

They walked slowly towards the front doors to the reception area. When she got to within a couple of meters of the door however, Kerry froze and clutched Smithys' arm.

"I can't go through with it Smithy. It's not right that a baby should die because of Gabriel Kent. This baby is pure but has come from pure evil and I can't forget that but, it's an innocent life and I can't take that away. It didn't ask to be conceived." She explained as tears raced their way down her face.

"Do you want more time to think about this?" He replied calmly.

"Yeah I think I do." She said quietly.

"Come on, let's get you home." Smithy said as he guided Kerry back towards the car.

Just before he got to the car Kerrys knees buckled from under her as she collapsed to the ground. All colour had drained from her face and the cramps she had been experiencing earlier were now worse.

Smithy rang for an ambulance and tried to comfort Kerry the best he could whilst trying to keep calm himself. The paramedics arrived on the scene within 10 minutes and they wheeled Kerry into the back of the ambulance.

"Are you her boyfriend?" One of them said to Smithy as he tried to get into the back with them.

He was about to respond when Kerry jumped in before him.

"Yes he is. I want him here with me." She said.

Smithy didn't say anything about what Kerry had said, but held her hand all the way to St Hughes instead.

When they finally arrived at the hospital Kerry was taken straight into casualty to have tests done and scans taken. Smithy was sat in the waiting area for over an hour before someone came for him.

"Mr Smith? You can go in now, Miss Young is asking after you." A nurse said as she led him through to Kerrys' private room. "I'll leave you two alone for a while. A doctor will be in soon to discuss your test results." She said as she left them alone.

"How are you feeling?" He asked.

"Tired and sore but will feel a lot better when I know what's wrong with me." Kerry replied.

As if on cue, the Doctor that had been dealing with Kerry came in. Kerry could tell it was bad news by the look on his face.

"Miss Young, would you like your partner present for your test results?" He asked before he began.

Kerry nodded her head and gripped Smithys' hand tightly.

"I'm sorry to say that you have miscarried your baby. The placenta had come away from the wall of the uterus and the baby couldn't survive. I am very sorry. Due to the fact that you were 12 weeks pregnant, we will have to perform a small procedure as you won't be able to miscarry completely as normal. You will need to stay in for a couple of days for observation purposes." The Doctor explained.

Kerry felt numb. She wasn't sure how to feel, sad, upset or relieved. Maybe she felt all of those and more besides.

The Doctor left them both to talk about their situation.

"I'm sorry Kerry. I know this must still be hard for you even though you weren't sure you wanted the baby in the first place." Smithy said.

"Maybe it's fate taking the decision out of my hands. I do really want to have children one day but when I'm ready, and I really want you to be the father." She explained earnestly.

"Whoa, slow down girl, we haven't even been on our first proper date yet." Smithy replied jokingly.

Kerry gave a tired laugh before continuing.

"I know what you said before about giving it a few months before we took our friendship further and I respect that, but I don't want to wait months, weeks or even days to be with you; I want to be with you now. We've wasted too much time as it is and I want to be with you." She said.

"I want to be with you too; from now and forever." He said as he kissed her forehead.

A few days later Kerry was released from hospital. She still felt very sore after the operation but Smithy had been a great help. He arrived at St Hughes to take her home, with a little surprise up his sleeve.

He opened the front door for Kerry and she was greeted by the smell of roses. Smithy had several bouquets of flowers positioned down the hallway and into the kitchen. Kerry was overwhelmed by his display of affection.

"Smithy they're beautiful." She gasped.

"Well anything for my girl." He replied.

"Thank you Smithy. You are so kind to me, I would never have gotten through the last few days without you. You really are the kindest and most loving man I have ever met; and my real knight in shining armour." She said as she kissed him passionately.


End file.
